The Liar, the Bitch and the Wardrobe

Union Theatre

Playing until 4th January 2026

Book tickets

Photo credit: Ben Bull

{PR Gifted ticket}

Possessing what has to be one of the best titles of a London panto this year, The Liar, The Bitch & The Wardrobe takes C.S. Lewis’s classic tale of Narnia and gives it a festive, queer makeover.

Written by Joshua Coley with direction and choreography from Sasha Regan, the story follows two young lovers — crucially, no longer brothers or under the age of 18, as they are in the original tale — named Peter (James Georgiou) and Edward (Joe Pieri) as they’re evacuated from London in WW2 and sent to ‘Babs Douche’s Boarding School For Big Butch Boys’. Babs (Tom Duern) rules the school with an Ozempic-riddled iron fist, promising to rid the boys of their “fruity” ways — cue an audience-assisted performance of ‘YMCA’ with the new lyrics “Why are you gay?”.

Upon arriving at the school, Peter and Eddie get straight into a game of hide and seek, where Eddie enters the titular wardrobe. As the wardrobe is spun round to the sound of “Turn around” from ‘Total Eclipse of The Heart’, Eddie is thrust into the magical land of Narnia, where he meets colourful characters such as Mr Topless, The Hungry Beaver, and The Tight Bitch. When Peter joins him in Narnia and gets captured by The Bitch, it’s up to Eddie to save Narnia and send its people into a bright, kind, and decidedly queer future.

Coley’s script embraces plenty of camp and a surprising amount of heart, but not all of the comedy hits the mark. Repeated gags including The Bitch misnaming her evil assistant Bonnie, who quickly grows tiresome, and some of the pop culture references (such as ‘Gary Barlow’s massive son) feel both too shoehorned in and also dated. The humour shines brightest when it’s just downright silly rather than trying to be too clever.

As an adult-only panto, there are plenty of filthy jokes, including a delightfully dirty re-write of Raye’s ‘WHERE IS MY HUSBAND!’, sung by Pieri with a naughty glint in his eyes. The opening number ‘What The Hell Just Happened’ takes this year’s UK Eurovision entry and makes it even more absurd, managing to rhyme “Blitz” with “rubble in my bits”.

The four-person cast each take on a number of roles with the exception of Georgiou, and Katie Ball is absolutely the MVP. Playing a seemingly endless number of different roles including the BBL-enhanced lion Arselan and the dry Scouse Trolley Lady, Ball is a pocket rocket with big comedy chops.

As the panto dame of the cast, Duern relishes in playing the villain and gently bullying the audience, although The Bitch’s stiff-jawed scowling can become a bit one-note after a while. Georgiou and Pieri make a very sweet pair of young lovers, with their arc culminating in a hilarious rendition of ‘Defying Gravity’, with an inspired lyric change that I simply cannot repeat myself.

There’s a charming sense of chaos permeating The Liar, The Bitch & The Wardrobe, and Coley’s script embraces many classic panto traditions with an LGBTQ+ twist. It’s a bit rough around the edges and the script could use some tightening up, but there’s still plenty of fun to be had in Narnia if you let yourself succumb to its mayhem.

Creatives

Writer - Joshua Coley

Director - Sasha Regan

Musical Director - Richard Baker

Set Designer - Reuben Speed